That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
