he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
