my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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