New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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