I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The air was thick with penises
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
