Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
