Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
