You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
