Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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