I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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