..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
