it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
