u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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