just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
50% drunk capacity currently
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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