Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
