You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
