I cannot find my penis.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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