I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
