you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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