i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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