Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
