I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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