i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
