The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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