So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
