im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
