I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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