Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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