i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
