Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
