We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
