shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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