i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
