I'm eating all of the evidence.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
