So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
