when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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