So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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