the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I enjoy the company of your penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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