If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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