It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
