you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
