I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
