Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
