you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
