I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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