Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
