I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
