batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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