I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
