just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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