White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
